Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Lydia, Every Day I Think of You

Two years ago we lost Lydia.

I can only imagine what others, much more closely entwined in Lydia's life, have gone through these past two years. Lydia's fiance, Sam, her grandfather, her brother & sister she was soooo close with - BillyJoe and Faith, her mother... Days of endless mental anguish? Never-ending questions of what-ifs and whys? Deep, deep sadness...

I know for myself, loosing her has been extremely difficult. Perhaps, in some ways, selfishly, it has made me focus on myself, my flaws, the ways in which I wish I had been a better friend. It is extremely humbling. It shows me the fragility of life. The brevity of this chapter. I think of how we were just in high school, sharing TenderHeart Clinique lipstick before our Calculus class together -more interested in the cute boys than the math. Tough family dynamics and more. We 'got' each other.

I think of how much Lydia loved children - and how at 29, I am a deeply fulfilled mother. She did not experience that - and oh, how she would have shone so brightly in the mother role.

I will not forget, two years ago, the day my mother called me to tell me, so very hesitantly that something had happened to Lydia (she died at 27 of bacterial meningitis). I remember how I felt. A hot flush as the slow words trickled out, a surreal moment, a there-is-no-way possible feeling. I am filled with sadness and what-ifs myself. I know I will see her again, though. I know I will be able to tell her in person, all things that I want to say.

Love you Lydie-bug. Jesus, keep her near and fill her with our love and thoughts.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Happy Mother's Day!

Mother-to-be (Aunt "Car-ee") and Me!

Our Sweet Mother, Nana

Thought I would share an entry from my journal. I wrote this last Mother's Day, (2008) - (around the last time I wrote in my journal)!

Mother's Day Thoughts
Having Noah has opened my mind up to so many things I did not see before.

It takes having a child to realize what it means to be the child of someone else. That concept, that essence, that immense responsibility and love, never go away. Never, no matter how old you become.

This knowledge gives new meaning to my relationship with my mother - to my mother's relationship with my grandmother - to Connor's relationship with his mother. I think back to college-campus days. Those are all somebody's babies running around. Same is true for those knitting in nursing homes...

This new understanding is the 'circle of life' in action. It shows the brevity of life. It gives new perspective to our humanity. Having Noah has opened my eyes to so many things I did not (could not) see before.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Two Pregos in a Pod

Carly's Baby Shower and Good Times in NC!
30 weeks (Carly) and 28 weeks (me) All the pics.

Noah and I headed to NC to "help" set up for my sister's baby shower. We spent four days with Auntie 'Caree' and Uncle Matt!, Nannie & Pa, GG (Great Grandma) and other family members. Carly's shower was just beautiful. My mother has such a gift. Noah had an absolute blast playing, tricyclin', swimming, not stopping! Spending this time with Carly was incredibly special for me - all the memories of being pregnant together, and having little boys that will be the same age... I am so thankful for this!

Robyn n Silas

Pa & Noah - bike ridin' fellas this week!

Entertainment at its best - Labor and delivery stories!