Mothering: Lessons I'm Learning

"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five." - groucho marx Happy (late) Mother's Day to all you fabulous mamas out there! Random thoughts upstairs that I'll spill onto paper. Maybe this list can be a work in progress...

1. Oxiclean can remove anything (and not just from clothes - from couches, carpets...)


2. If I am trying to do many things at once (always), I feel stressed out. If I choose the children, it's a decision I will never regret. Simplify.


3. How I conduct my relationships, talk to others and in general live my life is always being watched, ingested and emulated. In that respect, there is no line between a 'me' and the 'parent' that I am.


4. Free reign on the inside of an automobile is a little boy's wonderland - and it can be a great car tutorial for the parents. We learned that our car has a key-less auto start, as a "safety" feature (your car starting is not the best sound to hear when you are not in it, but your 2 year old is).


5. How many times have I thought, a young male engineer without kids designed this?


6. I think instilling self esteem is one of the single most important responsibilities of a parent. It is the foundation which all relationships will be built on. The lens that all of life will be viewed through. It's the determining factor for how much their jug of happiness can hold.


7. I try to make parenting choices based on what will instill self discipline - get our kids to think on their own, make amends. For example, it is my hope that our kids will make choices because they are the right ones to make, not just because a teacher told them to do it.


8. One place you really want to avoid at all costs: The ER


9. Does it really matter? Are the kids okay?


10. As a natural-born over-reacter, I have tried, over the last 3 years, to learn to respond rather than react. This requires eons of thought, preparation, & scenario playing before "discipline opportunities" ever arise. This TRULY makes parenting a full-time job.


11. As my good friend once said: It's not the parenting part that's hard. Being a bad parent is easy. (You want to eat that for breakfast? Sure! You're not ready for bed yet? Not a problem.) It's being a good parent that's hard.


12. Humor is the great diffuser.


13. I don't always do anything. Sometimes I mess up. Sometimes I get it right.


14. What they say about a Mother's Instinct is true. Learning to trust it is hard. As my good friend pointed out - our society teaches us to not trust ourselves, our bodies. There is a product out there to 'fix' everything. Yet, often, we already have the answer.


15. Drink wine.

More ramblings and revelations: Nathaniel Branden from his book The Psychology of Self Esteem: "There is no value judgment more important to man, no factor more decisive in his psychological development and motivation--than the estimate he passes on himself... The nature of his self-evaluation has profound effects on a man's thinking processes, emotions, desires, values, and goals. It is the single most significant key to his behavior." I love the book 'How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk'

Staying Afloat

Our Inaugural Pachanga 19 (Noah's Ark) boating excursion yesterday was a success. While it did take us several hours longer to get out the front door than anticipated (and a scenic trip to the wrong beach), it was worth the effort (and really long car drive). Although we thoughtfully packed, it seems like an impossible feat to include everything you might need. In went sunblock, clean/dry changes of clothes, spoons/buckets, diapers and wipes, cooler with waters and beer - you know, the necessities. We did, however forget one small item that might have come in handy...




Food. No worries, Ian ate sand. And, Noah, well, came up with his own solution. "Let's go to Restaurant Island." Hey, I want to go there too! Despite the engine sputtering and spitting a few times, I remained upbeat (de-sensitized) and the boat remained afloat!



Along the way, we have learned a few key lessons about Boating:

- Boats and rocks do not mix (actually learned this one a few times).
- It is generally not good to be surprised by how deep the water is.
- The fuel gauge is not the most ideal part of the boat to be inoperable.
- Trim tabs are sticky widgets.
- It is best to put your prop up BEFORE exiting the water.
- A new boat prop costs about $1200.
- Boats are expensive to repair.
- Grab your keys and wallet off the top of the boat before catching the highway.
- Generally plan for an extra 4-6 hours more than you think you'll need.



At home, we had a typical morning. A little herb garden planting, dead bird burying, & artwork creating. Light questions are posed: What is life? What happens when you die? How much is 5,000?





Speaking of turning wheels, Noah created a "Crank 3000" with his set of gears & crank parts (gift from Tommy D.). The thing was so intricately designed, I swear I could not have done it. Then, he asked me to help him make some adjustments to it. There's only one response to those kind of requests: You'll have to wait till daddy gets home. I'm just waiting for the "Are You As Smart Your Three Year Old?" series.



Apparently, the Crank 3000 can also cut anything ....like bacon! (Maybe he was hungry?)

Up, Up, and Away!

Baby boy started crawling earlier this month. At first, the motivational factor was simply figuring out how to get what he wanted. So, 4-5 scoots, get there, then drop and play with toy. Now, he realizes the value of crawling in its own right - as a mode of transportation - and this is truly new found freedom! He is all over. He has really started pulling himself up to a standing position and is just starting to 'cruise' around - scooting along the couch. He is trouble! Loves outlets, vents, door stoppers, tall fragile floor lamps and whatever Noah has. Now, when we go in to get him from the crib, he is standing up, smiling to greet us!

This morning, he is onto stairs - he can get up one step so far - so I decided to change my post title! Poooor Noah. Most of his projects span high/low ranges (up and down stairs, ceilings are sometimes involved, you get the picture). He is having a hard time staying out of harm's way (Ian's path). And, whatever Noah has and is doing - is what Ian is after!

Another note - he LOVES Noah. Often, but not always, the feeling is mutual. Noah loves to entertain him - dancing around for him and clapping, etc. Ian will get laughing so hard, he can't catch his breath. We have lots of videos - I just have to go through them all (when I say lots, I mean LOTS - we're gonna have to learn the art of real-time editing)

I love remembering what mr. Noah was like at this stage.
And, that he had been crawling for nearly two months now! Noah has always been my busy boy - on the go!

In the spirit of catching up, here is Ian at 7 months...


I'd love to have some motoring-around and brother videos up soon...

4.10.10

Neera and Dave's Wedding at the Biltmore

Connor and Doug, Krista's husband

Gardens at the Biltmore



Me with Allison and Krista

One of my very dear friends from college, Neera, tied the knot at the Biltmore Estate in Asheville, NC earlier this month. Y'all know how I feel about Asheville! It was absolutely beautiful - The ceremony was at sunrise and the reception followed at sunset. The sky was lit up with the moon and stars and the day was clear and mild. It was picturesque. Something's up with me and Murphy's Law lately - wouldn't you know that my camera died just as Neera was walking down the aisle. My memory can attest that she was stunning. The ceremony had many traditional Hindu elements. On the other hand, at the reception 'Say Yes to the Dress' followed Neera around with the cameras rolling, filming her in a dazzling white dress!
All the pics.